I adopted an 8-month-old Bully mix after losing my dog of 14 years, but I still don’t feel like she’s really my dog. She’s sweet and well-behaved except for barking at men who come into the house (though she’s improving with training), but I haven’t bonded with her emotionally. I adopted her out of desperation after struggling to adopt other dogs and now feel like I made a mistake. I can’t return her to the shelter because of her aversion to men—I’m afraid she’d be labeled aggressive, and I don’t want to do that to her. I give her the care and attention she needs, but I feel guilty for not loving her the way she loves me. My mom suggested that she and my dad take her, but I feel like I should deal with the consequences of my decision. Has anyone gone through something like this? How can I move past these feelings and stop feeling like I’m stuck?
It sounds like you’re still grieving your old dog. Maybe it was too soon to adopt again, and that’s okay. Bonding takes time, and sometimes it doesn’t happen instantly. It might help to let your parents take her temporarily while you process your feelings. Give yourself some space and see how you feel with time.
@Jensen
Great advice! You could let her stay with your parents for a bit and take things at your own pace. Your feelings are valid, and just the fact that you’re putting so much thought into her well-being shows that you’re a caring person. You are worthy of love, too.
I didn’t bond with my rescue dog at first either. It took time for me to build a relationship with her, and now I can’t imagine life without her. Give it time—you might be surprised at how much you’ll grow to love her.
It’s tough when you’re still grieving. Don’t feel bad for having mixed emotions. It sounds like you’re doing your best, and that’s all anyone can ask for. You’ve given her a home and love, and maybe with more time, you’ll start feeling differently. If letting your parents take care of her feels right, there’s no shame in that either.
It took me months to bond with my rescue dog. I still miss my previous dog, but the new one has become a big part of my life. Sometimes it just takes time to build that connection. You’re doing great by giving her love and care—be patient with yourself.
Your dog is showing you love and protection. The barking at men is likely a protective instinct, not a flaw. Maybe reaching out to people familiar with Bully breeds could help with advice on her behavior.
It sounds like you’re still struggling with grief and projecting that onto your new dog. If you truly feel like this isn’t the right fit, maybe your parents taking her could give you space to heal and figure out what you really want. There’s no shame in that.
I went through something similar. It took me a year to really bond with my rescue dog after losing my previous one. I’d suggest letting her spend time with your parents while you process your grief. With time, your feelings might change, and that’s okay.
Not enough people are saying this, but if you’re truly not ready for a dog, it might be okay to return her. It’s not fair to either of you if you’re not mentally ready. Don’t let guilt trap you in a situation where neither of you is happy.
It sounds like you’re dealing with unresolved grief from your previous dog. Therapy could help you process your emotions, and in the meantime, thinking of this as a long-term fostering situation might relieve some pressure. Take it slow and see if your feelings change.
This dog could be the key to helping you heal. She may not be what you expected, but she’s there to teach you patience and love. Give it time and trust the process.